Bird

Jesse brought home a bird, and I didn't know it. The bird died weeks (months?) ago, and Chris found it yesterday when he was supervising the cleaning of the boys' bathroom. This was really upsetting to me, obviously, and as a parent, I really wanted to handle it just right. I had to fight my urge to really lay into the boy, but I said a few succinct bits and clamped my mouth shut. As I thought about it, I remembered that Jesse is an inquisitive, curious boy who loves nature and likes to observe animals. I have to assume he was curious about this little pet and not malicious. Curious vs. malicious. I'm going with curious here, but concerns linger. I try to teach my children the dangers of black and white thinking, but when something like this happens, where does my own mind go? Oh Lord, I'm raising a sociopath! He killed a bird! He doesn't seem to feel bad about it! What am I gonna do RIGHT NOW?! Nothing. Remember the shades of gray. Breathe. He is not a sociopath. He didn't kill the bird in cold blood. He DOES feel bad about it, but he's overwhelmed.
I had him write a eulogy for the bird. He had to give it a name and feel how that bird's mother must have felt. He had to think about how the bird must have felt. Let me just say, Jesse is not a good eulogy writer. I hope it's a skill he does not have to hone through the years. As this "assignment" shaped up, the parallels between this bird and Jesse shaped in my mind. Jesse placed this bird in a box, far away from his Mama and bird siblings. Jesse was placed in foster care, far away from his Mama. He got to keep his sibling. The bird was denied food and water. There were many times Jesse did not have enough food. He placed the bird in a dark box and forgot about it. Jesse was placed in the equivalent of a box and pretty much forgotten about by the people that mattered most to him. The eulogy-writing assignment was shaping up to be a lesson is self-exploration, and hopefully potential healing.
Jesse sat down to share his eulogy with us last night at dinner. Startlingly, he named the bird "Mike." I don't think he intended to give this bird my brother's moniker, but it made me giggle just the same. I still don't know if this "assignment" was the right thing to do here, but Jesse seemed to embrace it, and I sense that it gave him a feeling of some control. I wonder if he's aware of the similarities between him and "Mike." He loves to capture little critters, and I think I understand why a little better now. I hope he understands it, too.